Prompted by a recent visitor, I was re-reading a blog from a couple of years ago about depression and how I felt about myself then. This is what I love about my blog, picking out moments from the past and comparing how you felt then against how you see yourself now.
It hasn’t been all plane sailing since then, the voluntary redundancy thing of Easter 2009 certainly messed me up a bit, but there has been a step change in me since the New Year. I visited a hypnotherapist last summer who didn’t reveal anything astounding or traumatic about my past but helped me look at myself and re-evaluate what is most important to me. Like many times in my life it was as if it was meant to be as a couple of opportunities came my way whilst I was ‘in therapy’ (Oh I’m sooo Woody Allen) and I realised they would enable me to connect with who I really was. These opportunities have only just started to bear fruit this year.
Our Curate asked if I wanted to be a Sunday School teacher and I scoffed at the idea, citing the lack of influence I have over even my own children as an excuse to not put myself forward. However, I told her of my dream of a youth samba band uniting the world (or bit of Prestwich at least) in rhythm and dance. 6 month later with help from lots of people around me that dream is coming true and it lifts my heart every moment we play together (although we’re far from the finished article).
The other chance was the opportunity to be a Corporate Social Responsibililty representative for my office. I responded quickly to the appeal last summer, following my gut instinct with a remarkably bullish e-mail listing my credentials and the priorities as I saw them then. I was duly appointed and declared myself the CSR ‘Champion’ although I was frustrated by the time it took for me to be formally announced and then for a plan to be approved by everyone. This, however, gave me time to fully investigate all the options and refine the plan. Senior Management loved my ideas and I launched it to the workforce last week in a ridiculously relaxed and confident manner (if I had been watching I wouldn’t have believed it was me). Clearly some people think I’m a bit of a knob and that’s fine, that’s just me, I don’t mind because I know I am being absolutely true to myself and my core beliefs, and the passion I have found for what I am doing has astounded me.
Since the New Year I have been waking at 4am most mornings too excited to go back to sleep properly. As the crescendo of CSR activity has built over the last month, I have kept myself going and as close to sane as I can muster by jogging/running. I also feel more confident about my proper job. I was worried about life after ‘Super Zoe’ and our most capable Test Analyst’s departure from the office but hey there will be challenges and learning opportunities a-plenty for me.
Here’s where the streaking comes in. No, I haven’t been running butt naked through the streets of Prestwich, though at hours prior to 5am I could almost get away with it. I have run every day this year so far, that’s a 33 day ‘streak’ and although I’m still the best part of 50 years behind the man who inspired me, Ron Hill, I can’t see an end in sight just yet.
I don’t run quickly during the week, though if I feel strong and the music takes me I will accelerate through my 3k morning consituational. It’s more about clearing my head or letting ideas form (I’ve had some corkers recently) praying or just enjoying the music. I moonwalked across Poppythorn lane the other morning which can only be a good thing.
This is a big breakthrough and I’m sure my level of activity is sustainable even on top of my cycle commuting. People must think I’m crazy but this physical energy is influencing my mental, emotional and spiritual states and I’m ready to face some challenges I have ducked for years. Bring it on world!